Overpower that Voice Inside Your Head

Why is it so hard to do things for yourself? It’s as if there is this mental barrier that whispers into your ear whenever you are trying to do something productive. It’s luring voice whispers, “you don’t wan to do that. Your too tired to even think of it.”

So you hesitate, right before working out, eating healthy or making a life choice to be better.

Why is this voice there when you know it will make you a happier person?

You know…I’m not sure. In fact I don’t have a clue on why your mind would even want to betray you like that. But the way I look at it is another barrier to climb over.

When that voice tells you “you can’t” then you need to say “I CAN”. There is no reason why that small voice should control you. YOU decide what you want to do or become, not that lulling voice.

And yes, there may be pain that comes with it, but without pain we never learn to see the good in life. We must strive to become who we want to be and that takes sacrifices. Believe me when I say that voice is going through my head right now, but to overpower it is the key.

Keep believing that you deserve better. Keep believing that you control your life. Once you believe in yourself as well as the light of a higher power you can do anything!

Love you all,

A. Willow

Life is a Journey

Today I learned that not everything is as it seems. If you just take a moment to stop and think about the way you SEE things, then you’ll realize you don’t see at all. We walk blindly ignoring the obvious things in life, and make it more difficult for ourselves.

Why, do you ask that we do this?

It’s our natural human habit to stress and worry about the things that we don’t need to. We delve into a situation believing that is the only way, but when you sit back and look at all the options, the different ways that you can act, you begin to realize that there is more to this journey then gunning full forward.

For example, Today I believed that the one person I am meant to be with in this life will eventually swoop down and save me from my miserable boring life….but something happened.

For some reason God decided to show me that it doesn’t have to happen like that, and may never happen exactly like that. Through hidden and subtle messages I learned that I can experiment in the world to find who’s wrong and who’s right just for me. I hadn’t realized why I didn’t do this in the first place, but He showed me that I truly was scared of this type of change to my life.

I didn’t want to open up to strangers and express my life over and over again to people I may not be with for more than an hour….but then again. If I don’t spill everything to them I may miss my one chance at happiness. Out there, God has a plan for me. He wants us to explore and experiment, because we learn from our failures, and that makes us that much more of a lover.

Realizing this today made me realize I was going about my journey all wrong. I wanted to stay put in the comfortable hole I had built, hoping that superman would come and drag me out, but sometimes we must lift ourselves up and venture forward on our own to find what is right for us.

Imagine a different life, and gain the courage to go out of your comfort zone. You only get this life once, and the sooner you venture out on your journey the sooner you will find your happiness.

Always,

A. Willow

Past the Dark Hole

Life brings about the unexpected. For so long I’ve been down such a dark path, a place where I didn’t think I could get out of, but here I am, actually enjoying my life. The tranquil essence that surrounds me is wonderful and I feel the rhythm of the old me again.

Weeks ago I didn’t know who I was. I knew the idea of what I should have been, who other people wanted me to be, but I was still that girl who was lost.

Today I am found. I know who I want to become, I know what I want to do with my life, and I know that even if there is no one else here in the world for me, I can still be me and independent.

It’s a breath of fresh air to feel at peace, and the vibrations of happiness even though nothing in particular sparked it. I want to help the world, and be apart of the life I know I’ve always wanted.

I must say, I never grew up with religion, I was left to decide for myself what I believe, and God has helped me see the world differently. I have put my full faith in him and I know that he will lead me in the right direction if I just follow my heart and follow in his faith.

And to everyone else out there who is struggling with their own identity, you have to know that there is help. You don’t need to believe in Jesus or God, but you do need to know that there is something greater beyond this universe that loves you and is trying to help you. All you have to do is open up to the light and listen to your heart.

I love you all,

A. Willow

Lessons Given

I’ve learned in life that sometimes we must make sacrifices.

Sometimes its best to leave a situation if negativity is over-clouding you. Your judgment may be under duress if you stay in it for far too long. Making sacrifices to be happy is what we are supposed to do. We must follow our hearts and allow time to heal all the wounds that risk has built up.

I’ve learned that, but I also know that sometimes we don’t have a choice.

Now more then ever I need financial stability, and I am facing the lower end of the totem pole. Not only am I having problems with transportation, but food as well. This is the lowest I have ever been, and it was because I followed my heart.

Now I’m not saying that I regret my choice, not at all. What I’m saying is sometimes life takes you down a road that you may not want to go, but God will always be there for you.

Instead of facing this life crisis on my own I look to my Creator, knowing that he will lead me in the right direction. And if that means going back to the place I left for happiness, well then I know I haven’t learned all my lessons yet in life.

I will be better financially now, and I have been given the chance to prove myself a second time at the life I was living before. I don’t look at it as a negative thing anymore though.

The way I see it is I have learned more from leaving then I have ever by just staying. Risks are something we all should be taking, and I know that no matter what I can make myself happy with God in my life.

Thank you God for all that you have given me, shown me, and the way you are leading me. I appreciate every moment, and I know that even if it’s not what I want to do, later on you will give me the chance to find my happiness.

We must experience the bad parts of life in order to appreciate happiness when the time comes.

Always,

A. Willow

And that made all the difference…

Today I was struggling with a nasty feeling. I slumped on my bed around 6pm, feeling worthless to do anything whatsoever. I grew angry with myself, bashing my uselessness, and inability to cooperate with what I should have been doing.

I glanced at the clock and knew it was too early to go to bed, but all I did was feel tired. I knew this was and still is my sign that depression was sinking in again. I also had to be somewhere at 8 and this wasn’t helping my situation.

I began to dwell on what was to come, thinking I would never have enough energy to get through the task that lay ahead.

I became anxious and stressing as I rubbed my face, stretching my muscles trying to help the situation in any way that I could.

The worst part was, this is a task that I LOVE. I thrive off of the activity and I couldn’t believe I was beginning to think “Maybe I shouldn’t go.”

This possibility rambled on and on through my head, like a broken tape recorder repeating itself irritatingly. “I can’t do it. I’m useless.” It got to the point of where I screamed out at myself and demanded for the real me to come back . I pushed through my tired state, and broke through the negative thoughts, and calmly with a forgiving whisper I thought to myself, “Just take a nap.”

I did this and I knew I wasn’t winning, but I certainly passed the finish line. The nap gave me enough energy and enough willpower to get up and face my 8pm appointment. And now, after the deed is done, I’m feeling wonderful because I did something I loved.

The lesson I learned today,  is give yourself some slack. If you feel like you need something, and even if it is a little negative, then allow yourself to let go for a short time. We can’t keep it together every moment of every day, and as human’s, sometimes we need to fall in order to get back up.

So strive for Great, but if you can’t make it, at least aim for Good.

Always,

A. Willow

Rejuvenated

Rejuvenated.

This is the word I would like to dedicate to today.

In life we can feel like nothing. At our job we may feel like an empty person going through the motions. I know today, that was me.

I felt stale, like I was on auto-pilot with no emotion. Just a fuzzy surface that covered my interior. And the day had started off so well at the beginning. But sure enough I slowly drifted into a walking sleep.

I grew upset with customers, irritated when they interrupted a project, and unable to care about my what was happening.

But then life hit me in the face.

I was done with work and I decided to sit down in a cafe. I chose my spot to specifically be AWAY from people, but as I came back there was a couple sitting right next to me. At first I was a little irritated, but when I glanced over,the mid-aged women stared at me. I looked over, being polite to say hello, and that’s when it happened.

She began to talk to me, reawakening my inside. She reminded me that I was a person inside the walking body. I smiled and actually enjoyed her company.

Sometimes all we need is a reminder that our days can be worth living. She brought a smile to my face and that’s all that mattered.

When I am feeling strong, and empowered by my personality I have no trouble talking with strangers, and I want to make it my habit to do the same thing that lovely lady did today.

I hope that I can turn someone’s day around, and give another person hope that life is alright. Not only do we need hope within us, but we also need to see hope on the outside encouraging each and every one of us.

She washed away the grime of the day and made me feel rejuvenated, maybe one day you’ll help a stranger like me too.

Superman

Feeling this rejection within me is like a cold sweep of faith suddenly chilling my bones. How am I supposed to believe that superman will come and save me, sweeping me off my feet if no one wants to be with me. And even if they do they aren’t a person I love. Love takes time and even then I don’t hold it for everyone.

SO yes I am weary when I meet new people. Not wanting them to think that I am interested, and yet wanting them to think that I am. So I become shy and alone, secluding myself from who I truly am. My brain locks down and I put a barrier up that no man has a possibility of escaping.

And yet I allow one man in. And all he does is tear my heart without even knowing he is doing so. I put my full faith into him, seeing that he is reasonable and at least as my friend he can be there for me….but he can’t. I am alone, and I have to realize that I must live my life to the fullest.

I must make every day count, and I know that is going to be hard. Extremely so, but I have to try.

Love seems impossible, and the way I seek it out around every corner, in my mind I imagine it, but I know I am the farthest from it. And even if it hit me in the face, could I take it? I can’t trust people I don’t know and that insecurity leaves me to a locked door that I cannot open. For how am I supposed to meet the right guy if I’m always scared to open up. Always scared that he might be the right one so I need to shut up.

Life is a difficult thing, and superman lies in my dreams, but I know he doesn’t exist.

Our Dark Side

Everyone has a dark side.

Looking at my reflection, I could see both today. Half of my face covered in shadow showing  me the depression I can sink into, but the other half lighted by a piece of me I struggle to find through the day.

Strength lies on that side, fighting the other demons I know I suppress.

Each of our dark sides are different. It may be our pain, jealousy, greed, and power. But know that you aren’t climbing if you find yourself hooked to the dark….you are falling.

Courage and Strength lies in the lighter side of yourself, and in order to climb everyone must taste the dark a little. We wouldn’t be human any other way.

Just because you’ve fallen doesn’t mean you belong there. Fight and be yourown hero. Soon you’ll remember the person staring back at you. Soon, I promise.

Always,

A. Willow

Slowly Stripping Away Life

I have always wondered why it’s been so long since I found someone to share my life with. It’s just little over a year since my 4 year relationship with my ex, and for some odd reason I used to think that was eons of time to be alone.

The depression didn’t help.

I used to fall into the dark hole every night, comforting myself with the emptiness of a cold demeanor, because that used to feel better then the hole that was in my heart. I was alone, yes, and afraid that I could never escape that hole without someone rescuing me.

I imagined superman, and I still do, but now I know I don’t need him like I used to think.

The thought process was that I wasn’t strong, and my heart had grown too weak to help itself. I was broken, and I have sad poems to prove how heart broken I really was, but once I escaped the pit of darkness I began to realize something.

I CAN be strong enough to save myself, which is exactly what I did, and if I had found the love of my life at those depressing moments it would have turned into a sour relationship. You see, in a  relationship you are supposed to help each other grow, but if he would have found me then, all of his time and efforts would have been to fix me. He might of left out of impatience or for the sake of his own happiness. It would have been toxic. I would have been stripping away his life forcing him to give me his energy. A horrible fate this would have been for the both of us.

So now, as I look back, I know I would have depended on someone else my entire life to get me out of the bad times. I never would have been self-sufficient, and wouldn’t be able to handle life.

So here is my lesson to you. If you’re down a dark road, I don’t want you to  think you need  superman to save you. You are your own shining power that can conquer anything. Just look for the light deep within and you’ll harness your strength. And if you feel lonely, then feel lonely, but know that if you start a relationship during that time it might end up toxic and make you worse down the long run.

Fix yourself. I know you can because You are strong, You are brave, and You are everything you need to save your own day.

Always,

A. Willow

Looking in the Mirror

Today I finally saw myself.

As I got ready for the day I pulled my hair up, washed my face, and glanced in the mirror. Normally all I see is the white, bland aspects that I carry , but there was more today.

For the first time, in a long time,  I was looking into the eyes of the person that had been missing. I saw her looking back at me with determined eyes, and a happy small smile. Before today, all I saw of her was a mechanical face connected to a body I didn’t appreciate. There had never been life in that face.

“Where had I gotten so off track” I asked myself, “That only today I finally saw that person again?”

I will tell you, it was a hard road down a dark path. Without even realizing it, I fell into depression. It just crept up on me slowly, like a disease beginning to settle in. It didn’t take long for its icy fingers to consume me and make me think that it was normal. I believed this negative, sad person was who I was meant to be. Thinking that with age, I lost my happiness to childhood.

I was wrong.

So as I stood, gazing at this wonderful woman, I appreciated every aspect of her. I had always been strong, even if I didn’t know it,  and that hard work finally paid off as I left the mirror and brought her with me.

This is why I created the blog today. In the past I’ve tried to express my feelings in blogs, and writing, but it was all negative. How could I be reaching out to people if all I have to say is sad things. No, instead this blog is going to reach out to those struggling with their own darkness and fears and give them hope. Life is tough and unfair, I know that just as much as everyone else, but there is an inner light within each of us that can overcome the darkness in the world. Once you find it, you can do anything, and that’s what I’m going to show  you.

Believing in yourself is a good start to trying to find that light.

Always,

A. Willow