And that made all the difference…

Today I was struggling with a nasty feeling. I slumped on my bed around 6pm, feeling worthless to do anything whatsoever. I grew angry with myself, bashing my uselessness, and inability to cooperate with what I should have been doing.

I glanced at the clock and knew it was too early to go to bed, but all I did was feel tired. I knew this was and still is my sign that depression was sinking in again. I also had to be somewhere at 8 and this wasn’t helping my situation.

I began to dwell on what was to come, thinking I would never have enough energy to get through the task that lay ahead.

I became anxious and stressing as I rubbed my face, stretching my muscles trying to help the situation in any way that I could.

The worst part was, this is a task that I LOVE. I thrive off of the activity and I couldn’t believe I was beginning to think “Maybe I shouldn’t go.”

This possibility rambled on and on through my head, like a broken tape recorder repeating itself irritatingly. “I can’t do it. I’m useless.” It got to the point of where I screamed out at myself and demanded for the real me to come back . I pushed through my tired state, and broke through the negative thoughts, and calmly with a forgiving whisper I thought to myself, “Just take a nap.”

I did this and I knew I wasn’t winning, but I certainly passed the finish line. The nap gave me enough energy and enough willpower to get up and face my 8pm appointment. And now, after the deed is done, I’m feeling wonderful because I did something I loved.

The lesson I learned today,  is give yourself some slack. If you feel like you need something, and even if it is a little negative, then allow yourself to let go for a short time. We can’t keep it together every moment of every day, and as human’s, sometimes we need to fall in order to get back up.

So strive for Great, but if you can’t make it, at least aim for Good.

Always,

A. Willow

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