Empty Canvas

A blank void. Your thoughts of strength falters. I don’t feel sad, or mad, or happy. Just empty. 

I ask myself every day how I am doing. If I am living the life I want, or if my happiness level is up to par. I never know, because if I do falter in my attitude I never realize it. How are we supposed to overcome the darkness when it slowly sneaks up on you until your slowly drowning in doubt.

Stress creates a monster inside me. I feel it rising, wanting to escape and send me back into the hole of death. Honestly, I never thought it would be this hard. Love enters my doors frequently and yet I still feel the pull to just stop the world and sit back in the shadows. Do you know what I go through everyday? Deciding if I want to quit or try one more step up the ladder of happiness.

*Shake of the head

I am tired now, and that seems to be my biggest weakness. I want to yell at myself to get enough sleep at night, to eat right, and to exercise because that’s the formula to drag me out of the darkness. But I know I cannot yell, for if I do I will only wind up hating myself and that will lead me even further down the scary road.

No, the lesson today is to accept that life has been hard. Understanding that not every day is rosy, and life isn’t always full of sunshine. I need to lie down tonight, but rise tomorrow wanting to make myself happy, and become the happy person I’ve always known.

We can’t win everyday, but we can try harder the next time.

I love you all,

A. Willow

Books are Lessons of Love

Have you ever wondered why you are drawn towards writing? I have a million times, but I know my love for books has transformed me as a person. Every good read sent me on an amazing journey of lessons showing me to love a character, but also to let them go. At the end of books all I want to do is yell at the author for ending it, and if it wasn’t concluded how I wanted it to be I would get upset as well. 

So the lesson today is its okay to get attached to your books. The characters may be imaginary but the emotions you have for them are real. Sometimes you may reread a part just to try and tell the character to change and do something else, because you know something horrible is coming.

Books teach us about love. We can fall in love with the characters or the scenes, or even special phrases, but it also teaches us how to let them go, because if we lived everyday wishing Edward Cullen would come to our door, then we truly cannot live our lives.

This is the same thing we must do with loved ones that have moved on, or we are separated from. We may always hold that person in our heart, but we have to learn and accept that sometimes we have to let go of someone. We must not grieve for the times we won’t have with them, but we must rejoice in the gift of having them at all. Remember the lessons they taught us, or the smiles they shared with us. Because in the end, our love can only grow.

So books are valuable lessons to teach us to let our actual loved ones go when the time  is right. Just remember that everything you do has a lesson with it. It just depends on if you try and make your life happier.

Love Always,

A. Willow

Getting a Hold on Your Life

I could literally feel my stomach filling up with each gulp I took. The nutrients buzzed through my body like a strong addiction. It took me five minutes, but by the end I felt better already.

What was it that made me feel so good, and alive?

Juicing

Over the past few months I have done a lot of research as to how to keep myself happy and healthy. In america this can be very hard to do. With lazy jobs, and insufficient nutrients we are literally walking in a dead zone.
No wonder, like me, ten percent of the U.S. is suffering from depression. That’s one of your ten friends, one of your extended family members. Its crazy to think about.

So I decided to take my life into my own hands. Depression shouldn’t rule me, and I should be able to own it. And that’s what I’m doing.

Juicing is healthy because you can literally get all of your nutrients in one day. Just think all of this…..

Fits into all of this.

Just one cup!

Now I’m not saying that everyone has to juice everyday, but it’s important to think about how food and getting enough nutrients can literally make you a happier person. Food affects us no matter how much you want to deny it, and ever since I have begun to eat healthier and live a more active life I have changed for the better and so can you!

I know all of you can make the change that you need in your life. Just believe.

Always,

A. Willow