The Sickness

My eyes seep as I begin to dream. There is no meaning into this realm that I delve. All is forgotten in the world above, and yet here, I shall forget none of.

Then out of dreams you wake, and feel the sickness take.  You’re head will throb, and your stomach convulse, into the light, and still your revolted. The sickness takes your mind, and you know you are unwell, yet still your eyes seep and sleep you shall.

The darkness consumes you as your body rests, but you never remember the dreams you had in chance.

Was it full of woe or full of inner life?

You will never know, for you are sick in the mind.

My head throbs as I wake, “Please God, just end my pain!”

You begin to grow sicker, wondering what you had done,

but back into the emptiness of the day of nothing done.

The dreams are meaningless, and you’ve dreamt so many today, so you pack your bags and say “get out of the way.” You want to leave the sickness behind, but you cannot let go of this inner stride. It holds onto your stomach as you move about, twisting it here or there to cause a drought.

You lift up your hands and scream to the world, but sometimes the best cure is to sleep away the day.

Sleep away the headache, and your aching body. Allow God to mend you in the sleep you have forgotten.

 

Love you all, and hope you stay healthy!

A. Willow

The Morning Sun

Hidden deep within the valley, mist is everywhere I see.

It sparkles gold,  and shimmers brightly, as if saying hello to me.

Truly it is a wondrous sight,  but then, as if by sway.

The sun began poking out, and smiling brightly my way.

The heavens played a tune  only heard from deep within.

I sang the words to the song that never once  had been.

And to my left I saw a deer, just grazing in the meadow.

It looked up once, and gave a wink, and slowly became my fellow.

The morning burst with chances, to see a different way,

when in fact it wasn’t a valley at all, but a symphony at bay.

Too many times I walk right past, but today the sun I did see.

And I thank the Gods, for if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have ever became me.

-A. Willow

RESCUE

Everyone has a word.

I used to think maybe mine was strength, bravery, or perhaps even wisdom or happiness.

But today, as I sat listening to my fire instructor talk, I saw a word flash out at me:

RESCUE

There was something about it that made my mind roll. It ticked away, I felt like there was more behind this word then met the eye.

Why was it so important?

I pondered on it, and couldn’t help but feel an inner sense wash over me, and it was then that I knew this was what I was brought here on this earth for.

“Rescue, A. Willow, rescue the souls that are lost.” I heard this voice inside my head.

 

I felt myself smile within, with a warm tingling sensation soaring through my body, and yet I didn’t show it on my face, I only felt it within.

And I began to realize how similar it is being inside a fire, like being inside depression.

 

The room is dark, from the smoke that clouds you. Nothing is clear. Darkness suffocates you and as you scream for help, no one can hear you over the roaring of the flames.

You are invisible to the outside world.

A flash of anger will come here or there, but fear leaks in making your bones frozen and too scared to move. Then you hear a voice, it’s muffled and you don’t quite understand it, as if it were an alien.

You tune your ears and pray that maybe you won’t die to the darkness, that the flames won’t catch up to you, or the heat scorch you.

A person comes, standing tall and mighty, too scary to see in such a dark place and yet, maybe they can help. They take you in their arms and lead you out. You can hear the rasping breath of the weird voice saying “hold on, I’m getting you out.”

This voice is like an alien, and not understood clearly, that is until you break free of the flames and out of the smoke filled house that had been your dungeon for way too long.

The sun comes out as they lead you further to safety, and finally tears of joy enter your eyes.

“Thank you, Thank you” you will say, feeling like God had answered your prayers.

And when you look back at the firefighter that pulled you out, you see the eyes of a soul. Someone who risked their life to save another. Someone, just wanting to save you.

 

I hope that in my writing, that I can help in the same way for people in a dark time in their lives. I do want to save people, but not just physically, but emotionally as well. This world is a mind game, and sometimes we have to let go of the mind, let go of the pain in order to see the sun rising.

I love you all, and hope that I am given the opportunity to help rescue the souls who feel trapped.

A. Willow

Frozen Road

Song #4

I looked down that road

I rode down that rode

Find that cold

 *

To see a new life

Shine- shining cold

 *

What is the  meaning to stay

Whats it mean to be

Down that road

*

Following a coat

Down that road

*

Snow  is winter white

Snow is ever bright

*

Some may call it God

I will call it fraud

 *

So cold

So slow

Time wastes away

Time for me to stay

 *

Frozen in place

I see my life displaced

Wrong, a turn I took

Wrong, is my life shook

*

Down that road,

I rode that rode

Time to switch fate

Time to enter the gate

 *

What is the meaning to stay

Whats it mean to be

Am I going the wrong way

Or am I here to stay

 *

Then I formed a light,

Down within, so bright,

I felt inner peace,

As our God did speak.

*

“Down that road,

You had road,

Tis, not the end

Follow me and bend”

 *

So cold

Inner strife

God is gone

God has left me with no one

But still, I must go on.

 *

Down that road,

I did take

Down the road,

I must change

Make a  bend

Into the unknown

There I saw Jesus show.

 *

But still I breathe of him in

Still breathe him in I did

Breathing in my Jesus,

To keep on going strong

*

The cold is gone,

As summer comes

What once was once

Is forever none

A. Willow

The Last Button

It was at the moment that I buttoned the last button on my shirt that I suddenly felt different.

Before, when I was beginning to pull the Firefighter uniform on, I couldn’t help but to feel boyish, and very masculine. But with that last button, and the uniform finished, I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw greatness. Firefighting isn’t a style competition, it’s a way to help others.

So as I walked out the door, I wore it proudly. 

I’m expected to be on my utmost behavior while wearing this. I am now a role model, and a person to look to for help. If I wouldn’t have put this uniform on today, I may never have realized my fullest potential.

It’s strange to think, that just a year ago, I was the person in need. And now, looking back, I can’t help but smile. It’s a gift that I’m going to be able to help the people in this world that can’t help themselves. It’s an honor to hold others up, because honestly, all we need to do in this life is help one another.

Just be there for someone, even if for a moment. A moment is all you really need to save a person or change their life.

I love you all,

A. Willow

God given…Surprises!

God gives us many opportunities, I like to call them “God given …Surprises!?!”

Lets just say God loves to make us believe that nothing is ever going to go down a road, but then he flings open a door and suddenly you are thrust into a new room within a matter of only a few moments, and then you have to decide if you’re ready for this change.

Not to mention at the same time, another two windows open up, and then a new way to do things is blown in with the wind.

All I can say is “Oh boy”, and I’ll tell you why.

It was about four months ago that I applied to a Fire Department. You want to know what happened!?! NOTHING. Then two months passed and I got a phone call from them asking me a few questions. Then….Nothing. Another month goes by and suddenly I apply for firefighting school, and am super excited to start, when suddenly I run into one of the Departments trainers, and suddenly…BAM! I have a job. Barely an interview or anything, and on the same night I have a class provided by them.

 

Let me just say that God likes to work in weird ways. It’s like He knows that we are expecting it. So he waits until we think it’s all over. Then he decides, “I’ve played around enough with you, so here you go.” And he basically thrusts us into a giant whirlwind.

I think it’s great that you never know what life is going to bring, I just find it humorous at the same time. So today I want everyone to take a moment and think about their lives. What did God thrust you into? What didn’t you expect?

I love you all, and hope you all have as much fun with these moments as I do.

A. Willow

The Sleeping Ghost

“Fight it….FIGHT IT!” I literally screamed  in my head today.

I could slowly feel my eyelids drop, and my mind try to sleep. I was tired even though I got well over 9 hours of sleep the night before. In fact, I went to bed early last night because the depression had slipped in.

You see, it’s been my own fault. I haven’t exercised in a week, leaving myself open to being overly exhausted by my depression symptoms.

I had my sisters wedding, I just started school, and so I guess I got caught up in life and just forgot.

But today, at Noon, I couldn’t help but feel like a nap was the best thing I should do. I mean, I did wake up at 5 this morning to go to work.

“STOP!” I wanted to tell myself, because I knew that this is the first sign that my depression is catching up with me. So as my eyelids began to close and my mind cooed, “Yes Willow, this is what you want.” I sprung out of my bed and ran to the computer.

Writing down my symptoms helps me really focus on why I CAN’T fall asleep.

*Big Sigh

I am forcing myself to stay awake, so that my day doesn’t go by and I’m left with only two hours to do my homework. I say Heck no!

Instead, I’m going to do some cardio, and get my blood pumping, because honestly, muscle training isn’t enough for Depression, you need constant movement, whether it be a bike, a jog, the stairstepper, SOMETHING to get that oxygen flowing.

I may have slept too early last night, but not today. I won’t allow my depression to try and sneak in. This is the best way to deal with it though, to catch the symptoms and do something about it. Don’t waste your life thinking, I’m too tired to do anything, because once you get up and move around,

You’ll be a happy camper 🙂

Always,

A. Willow

Tick-Tick-Tick

Nothing matters but this moment.

For it is only this moment that you are given.

Don’t let Time trick you into thinking,

that you are living any differently.

——- A. Willow

Are You Smart? …Or Am I?

Today is a competition of the brains. 

What defines being smart?

If I mention a doctor, or a scientist, immediately you will think “Oh, that person is really smart.”

But are they really?

Now I don’t mean to offend any individual pertaining to the “smart groups”, because they are smart…it’s just a matter of definition.

I believe there is more than one way to be smart in this world. One is to study your butt off, and do well in school, and get a beautiful degree, and then another and another.

But another way is motor skills smart. Can you remember how to throw a ball a certain way, catch a ball in your hand at the tips? With one wrong fall, can you learn to not take the wrong step next time?

And then there is spiritual smartness. Yes I know, I can hear the groans of denial as I type, but honestly, have you ever thought that someone spiritual was smart?
Maybe, maybe not, but lets look into it another way.

Someone who is spiritual, or listens to their inner voice. Are they going to choose to be that doctor for the money, even though their soul is nagging at them to be an actress? Because honestly, which one guarantees you more money?

…which one guarantees you happiness?

A lot of the times today, people pick jobs for money, because its smart financially and for stability.

There’s always been that nagging voice in your head that told you to be different, to not follow the rest of this economic pack that we’re now in, called America.

Did you ever listen to that?

Now I’m not saying doctors are dumb for choosing this profession. In fact, I know many people who were meant to be doctors….but its those few  who weren’t meant to be scientists, or weren’t meant to spend 12 years in school just to become an unhappy 35 year old who doesn’t really enjoy life anymore.

So your job today is to really think about when the last time was that you listened to that voice? It pops in your head often, but over half the time you don’t even realize it.

PAY ATTENTION!!! This is a spiritual way of understanding what will make you happy in life. What you are meant to do. If you feel like a relationship is off, don’t doubt it. If you have always wanted to play the guitar, then go for it.

Today it’s about listening to the genius within. The one that has all the answers, but we choose to ignore it because our brains get in the way. Being smart isn’t about our brains. It’s about listening to your heart and understanding how to shape your life the way YOU want it to go. Not the rest of America.

Hope this helps, and I love you all,

A. Willow

Into the Flames

It’s time to confess everything.

My life with depression was hard. I felt like I couldn’t do anything. That my life was worthless, and that it would forever be a waste of air.

But I’m happy to say that after a long mental and physical process. I’ve become stronger. I’ve reached out into the world. I’m finally understanding why I have come here.

Without darkness, how could we ever appreciate the light. Before my depression struck, I didn’t appreciate as much as I should have. I didn’t enjoy each day I have been given.

Now I can.

I’ve struck my own chord. I’m making this world what I want it to be. Full of laughs, full of smiles.

And full of something else.

First and foremost, I will always be a writer of the soul, but I’ve started a new chapter in my life. A new beginning where I have grown past helping myself and I’m finally reaching out to others.

I joined the world of Fire.

That’s right, I’ll be that person running into the flames. A place so similar to the darkness of my depression, and yet drastically different. I’ll be able to risk my life to save another, and this my friends, is the journey I am so excited to start.

Firefighting. Something I never thought I would ever do. I used to be scared of death, of the flames of life, but now, I’m not. Fear is only an obstacle to overcome, because with God in your vision, and Jesus holding your hand, there isn’t anything you can’t do. And saving lives is a risk I’m willing to take.

The thing to keep in mind is I’m not doing this for fame. I’m not doing this to win a prize. I’m doing this out of love. Love for the other souls out there who are trapped in the same darkness as I was. Even though it might be slightly different, it is still the same concept that an unseen dark force is trying to ruin our lives.

So lets band together, and save what little heart we have. We can outshine the darkness 100/1. Light is so much brighter than the abyss of this life. And while I wait for more to come, I guess I’ll pick up my feet, spread my heart out wide, and help those people who are crying for help.

Help one another, that is my message today.

I love you all,

A. Willow