Story of the Day

The Life of a Lost Girl. The Story of How She Found Herself.

Archive for the month “October, 2014”

When Life Laughs at You

Life is full of hidden surprises, especially when it’s mocking you!

Yes, that’s right. Life is laughing at me right now. Which is understandable and fine, I can handle it, but here is why I feel like the Divine world is on its back chuckling at me.

The other day I swore off looking for men. Little did I know that on the same day, one of my old acquaintances showed up, and decided we should hang out. I knew this guy has been interested in me since high school, and I was always sort of into him, but it feels like the cosmic chords are trying to spread us as far apart as possible.

It was the last time, over a year ago, that he decided to stand me up. Which is great! really! It just makes an individual stronger.

Then, today, he had to help out his mom, and do this and that, and now I can finally say it.

I am a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man….but when one comes around it always seems to go awry. :/

Oh well, I guess being laughed at isn’t so bad, I’m more worried about my homework than if this guy will call me up again.

Always,

A. Willow

My Inner Flame

Today I ran into a problem that I didn’t know how to fix. Most women experience it occasionally, some on a regular basis, and if a woman is lucky, maybe only once or twice in her life.

I was sitting down at a diner with two of my fellow firefighter friends, both who happen to be male. We were laughing, having a good time, when all of a sudden, a construction worker walked in with his buddy.He looked my way, but I hadn’t thought too much of it. He was a middle aged, bigger set man who seemed like a normal enough guy. He could have been one of my friends uncle’s or possibly a dad.

It was after he sat down, facing our table that suddenly, I got an odd feeling. I looked up,  still smiling from my friends jokes, when suddenly this man locked eyes with me, and gave me a look that I will never forget.

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Respect every woman and her body. We are not a piece of meat, but rather a vibrant soul from within.

At this moment my heart dropped. His eyes were full of lust, staring at me like I was a piece of meat he could easily get to. He made a few gestures with his face as his eyes stayed on mine, making me feel as if he were raping me. I could feel his eyes ripping off my clothes and imagining me naked, doing what he would with me.

Now, I’ve taken a lot of Woman Studies classes, as I almost finished a major in it, but even with all that knowledge of how to stand up for yourself….I couldn’t. I knew I could have done something to stop it, knew I should have stood up for myself, but I didn’t. My mind had gone blank, and I could feel the sweat of fear dripping down my now chilled back.

I endured fifteen long minutes of his eye winking and smooching noises, wishing one of the guys I came with would notice the harassment and put a stop to it.

They didn’t.

At the end of the lunch, I got up and felt his eyes grazing down my body greedily, and I couldn’t help but to feel frigidity. I was hectic to get out of there.

Why weren’t my friends noticing!

I rushed outside once I paid, and as soon as I got a breath of fresh air, all I could think and say were,

“I hate being a female.”

I truly, honestly, meant it, and it wasn’t just because of this incident. All my life, I have been judged, told what to do differently based on my gender. In my firefighting class, our instructor assumed we had all chopped wood or used heavy tools before, but I was ashamed that I never had. Growing up as girls, we learn that tools are too dangerous to use. We should stick to cooking.

We are treated like we are the weaker sex.

Now, I wish I would have done something differently, because I actually LOVE being a woman. I find strength in my femininity everyday. I wish I would have been above hiding in my booth, and wishing the guy next to me would have “saved” me from that pervert’s impeding eyes.

Looking back now… I should have been stronger!

When it comes down to it, it doesn’t matter if I am a man or a woman. I should be able to defend myself regardless. To speak up and tell that man that I’m NOT a piece of meat and he, like everyone else, needs to respect me and my body.

I know its tough to face people who look at you like you are worth nothing but scum for them to walk right over, but when this happens, I’ve learned that I, and everyone else, need to look within.

Deep down, within the core of our being- There. Is. Strength.

Its an inner flame that needs to be ignited, by your soul, your very being. Feel its power and know that you are capable of anything and NO ONE is above you.

God created us equal, and so the next time someone bullies or harasses you, try this silent strength and feel God’s love. It doesn’t matter what the guy in the next booth is doing. You know you have this inner strength that no one can burn out, in fact, they can only make it grow stronger.

Strength is to know that you are worth everything you put your heart to.

I love you all,

-A. Willow

(P.S. The photo is meant for awareness to stop sexualizing women. Instead we must look past the body in order to see our beauty and strength within. My apologies if you are offended.)

The Contract

We are all worthy of promising greatness to ourselves, but in order to do that we must first promise to focus on growth. That is why, today, instead of focusing on finding my soulmate, I decided to make a promise.

I know that sometimes my mind can seem obsessive, like the currents of the wind that keep sweeping across my mind saying, “Is that him?”, “What if this happened?” , “Why not now?”…..

And it repeats over and over again, until my mind goes numb with these thoughts and my heart begins to ache from the loss of it not happening. So in this letter to myself, I want everyone to pay attention to how I am addressing the problems I am facing, and how I am telling myself to change my ways.

I want you to do the same.

Love is going to come no matter what, just allow it to come smoothly instead of trying to force it.

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The Contract:

Day: October 1st, 2014

I A. Willow, will not look for my soulmate, because in life, they come to us no matter what. I must accept that it will happen when I least expect it, and when I don’t necessarily want it. It will come at a time, when I am comfortable in my own skin, in my life, and in my memory.

I must be mature, and full of wisdom. For If I don’t use the souls of God throughout my life, my brain will drive me into insanity. That is why I swear off thinking about every man that crosses my path. I swear off on not getting involved in a relationship or even thinking about a relationship because the right one will eventually come my way.

My life is dedicated to my inner growth, mine and mine alone. Children will come later, romance will come later, but for now, just focus on me , on life, and allow those who love me to know that I’m not interested in a relationship at this point, because honestly…I’m not.

I am interested in finding my best friend and in order to do that I must keep romance out of my mind, and remember friendship is around every corner, love is one in a million.

Today is the day where I start being wise with my heart and soulmate. I shall not seek him out. He will come to me. I shall not worry about what COULD happen, when instead, I should be focusing on what IS happening.

Live in the moment, breathe in each soul, and you will know if something is going right.

So stop your worries,

Stop thinking about possibilities ,

For it is in the soul that our hearts truly mend, and until now, at the moment, I have been using my brain.

Love,

-A. Willow

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