Saying Goodbye at Last

My love life hasn’t been the happiest of times, in fact, lately, it’s been rather sad.

But I don’t give up.

You don’t see me flinging myself at the next guy that comes along, but yet, I am still in pain. I hurt because the one person I love, and the one person I have loved for a very long time now, doesn’t see me.

I’m invisible, and even as his friend, I tend to be…minor.

I wonder if he feels it too, the love I share with him, but maybe that is just wishful thinking. I really wish the reason why he is avoiding me today and the last year is because he thinks of me as more than a friend. He has a girlfriend, someone who doesn’t treat him right. And so I imagine that he wishes he could be with me instead.

Now I know I’m having wishful thinking.

*Sigh

I deserve the best. A man who will notice me the first time we meet, or possibly, just randomly on the street. I don’t deserve to be on the backburner, or a person to think about when his girlfriend isn’t around. I know that I deserve better than him, I know…but then why is my heart calling for him?

There have been plenty of interested guys I have turned down, lots of jerks, nice guys, and simple men….but none are like him. My heart leaps everytime I see him, and I know it’s stupid for me to be so in love with someone who doesn’t feel it too, but I can’t help who I fall in love with.

My heart is something of a mess right now, I know that, but that’s my mind doing the talking. My heart KNOWS what it wants– and its him.

I’ll tell him soon about everything that’s on my mind, but I also know I must say goodbye.

So soon, the time is coming, and yet I am overly anxious. There is this pent up rage within my soul. It’s impatient and wants to scream out my feelings to him right now and end the misery I have been going through.

I’ve said goodbye a thousand times already, but yet, I can feel this time, it will be the final Mark. Because in my heart I know, that once I tell him, there is no going back. There is no “if’s” or “but’s”, just the now, and once the moment has passed my lips, I know there is no more wondering. Only doing.

And so I say goodbye to the one man I have loved unreciprocated for far too long.

Tortured Smiles

There’s one thing in this world that I can’t understand…

After pouring your heart out,

showing love to all the world,

and smile everyday,

past the hard times

and dark times that seem to overwhelm you…

why is it that you can never find love?

I’ve tried to get over one man- it hasn’t worked.

I’ve tried accepting my love and show him- I only get hurt.

And when he finally is here, and I want to be with him,

just as a friend-

he avoids me.

I don’t deserve this torment.

I’m crying inside, one second, and maybe the next,

but I put on a smile and stop myself from crying.

I’m hurting and yet happy,

Accepting.

I need to tell him everything,

and he won’t listen,

he won’t give me the chance.

Maybe he knows,

maybe he’s doing it on purpose.

All I know is that I must be patient

and hide the pain until after we meet.

Once I let my heart and soul pour out,

I know I’m either one step closer to finding love,

or more than likely, one step closer to moving on.

But here in this vacant stage where I’m waiting,

Waiting to tell him.

Waiting for him to see me.

It’s killing me inside…

And yet, I still smile.

Moon Shine

It’s been a long time since I talked to you.

Yes, we talked only a few months ago, but I mean really talk.

The last time we were fake, you and I, I couldn’t handle the truth and you denied it.

So why did you come at my door?

Was there something missing you were looking for.

I had this feeling, that you were waiting for me,

to open up, and let out my agony.

But I didn’t.

I wish I had.

Did I ever tell you how much you mean to me?

And not to mention the jealousy?

When I see you together, I can’t help but to think,

How I wished you looked at me.

It was that first time that killed me,

and there after, only wounds.

But never shall I be the same again,

I visited the moon.

For in the darkness, you were a light,

that shined so brightly, but it was never right.

For you see her, and I am nothing but dim,

An emptiness in the corner, nothing.

So I wait for the day, that I become your moon,

And I doubt it will come any time soon.

Will I wait for you that long?

Coming to my door?

I’m not sure.

For if another comes, and I can be happy,

I might just take it.

Never have I wanted

A life taken for granted.

If you don’t hurry, I might be lost,

but my heart is always yours,

no matter the cost.

Sooner or later, I know you’ll see me,

but will my moon still be shining on you,

instead of on me?

Angel Snow

 

Snow is falling,

********ever bright,

*************Sparkling in the moon’s light.

 

Forever ago

*******there was no snow,

**************all I felt was woe.

 

Now it falls,

*******like an angel,

****************filling me with smiles.

 

All I see

******when the white flakes fall

************** is a piece of heaven’s moment.