Saying Goodbye at Last

My love life hasn’t been the happiest of times, in fact, lately, it’s been rather sad.

But I don’t give up.

You don’t see me flinging myself at the next guy that comes along, but yet, I am still in pain. I hurt because the one person I love, and the one person I have loved for a very long time now, doesn’t see me.

I’m invisible, and even as his friend, I tend to be…minor.

I wonder if he feels it too, the love I share with him, but maybe that is just wishful thinking. I really wish the reason why he is avoiding me today and the last year is because he thinks of me as more than a friend. He has a girlfriend, someone who doesn’t treat him right. And so I imagine that he wishes he could be with me instead.

Now I know I’m having wishful thinking.

*Sigh

I deserve the best. A man who will notice me the first time we meet, or possibly, just randomly on the street. I don’t deserve to be on the backburner, or a person to think about when his girlfriend isn’t around. I know that I deserve better than him, I know…but then why is my heart calling for him?

There have been plenty of interested guys I have turned down, lots of jerks, nice guys, and simple men….but none are like him. My heart leaps everytime I see him, and I know it’s stupid for me to be so in love with someone who doesn’t feel it too, but I can’t help who I fall in love with.

My heart is something of a mess right now, I know that, but that’s my mind doing the talking. My heart KNOWS what it wants– and its him.

I’ll tell him soon about everything that’s on my mind, but I also know I must say goodbye.

So soon, the time is coming, and yet I am overly anxious. There is this pent up rage within my soul. It’s impatient and wants to scream out my feelings to him right now and end the misery I have been going through.

I’ve said goodbye a thousand times already, but yet, I can feel this time, it will be the final Mark. Because in my heart I know, that once I tell him, there is no going back. There is no “if’s” or “but’s”, just the now, and once the moment has passed my lips, I know there is no more wondering. Only doing.

And so I say goodbye to the one man I have loved unreciprocated for far too long.

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