Sowing the Seeds of My Life
I’ve wondered for a while now, on why I haven’t found a man. It’s been at least two years, and nothing serious has even come close to me. It seems as though, any prospects I’ve had…runs in the other direction. And so why is that? I know God has a plan for me, and that with time I will come to understand the flows of time, but I don’t understand the moment.
I’ve been forced to focus on myself, something I tend to do a lot on my own, but I never fully grasped how. I am naturally selfish, although I give greatly to the ones I love, but I’ve learned that in order to be free of worry, you must love yourself entirely and life entirely…as well as what hasn’t come.
I know he is out there, somewhere, amongst the crowds of people that we pass on a day to day basis. Maybe he’s wondering if there is more to life, and maybe he’s thinking about me. For although we haven’t met, and although we tire of the same problems, we both know that something great will come.
And that is our love. In order to appreciate him, I need to fully understand what it means to be without him. Journeying this life on my own. I can do it…by why would I want to journey without the love of my life. I understand now what it means to be independent. To make sacrifices to be happy, as well as sacrifices to support myself. I understand that our dreams are not handed down to us like a baby with an expectant mother, but rather a fatherly figure shoving us in the right direction on a hard day. So I ask you now, why haven’t I found him yet, and the answer is this.
We both, for he is learning as well as I, aren’t done learning what it means to be without each other. He has dreams he needs to make true, as well as do I. For without our own dreams, our own passions to strive for, than we wouldn’t be the individual we’ve set out to be. So God, yes, to answer my own question, I understand that we must learn before our loved ones come.
Although the learning won’t cease once he is fully apart of my life, we still must take sacrifices of love, in order to appreciate the soul we are given.
I thank you Lord, for I now have faith that someday he will come. I have had my doubts in the past, spoiled troubles with the mind, as well as hard predictions that would never come true, but that’s the beauty of it. Although we want to choose who we get, it is truly You who decides what is best for us, and you know the perfect match, the perfect fit, the perfect soul that shall make our lives more whole.
I thank you, and I must keep my faith. Sometimes I have doubts, but without doubts I would be walking blindly. Let my faith carry me, but my experiences to guide me.
I love you all and hope you find the love in your life.
A. Willow
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