My Inner Flame

Today I ran into a problem that I didn’t know how to fix. Most women experience it occasionally, some on a regular basis, and if a woman is lucky, maybe only once or twice in her life.

I was sitting down at a diner with two of my fellow firefighter friends, both who happen to be male. We were laughing, having a good time, when all of a sudden, a construction worker walked in with his buddy.He looked my way, but I hadn’t thought too much of it. He was a middle aged, bigger set man who seemed like a normal enough guy. He could have been one of my friends uncle’s or possibly a dad.

It was after he sat down, facing our table that suddenly, I got an odd feeling. I looked up,  still smiling from my friends jokes, when suddenly this man locked eyes with me, and gave me a look that I will never forget.

Respect every woman and her body. We are not a piece of meat, but rather a vibrant soul from within.

At this moment my heart dropped. His eyes were full of lust, staring at me like I was a piece of meat he could easily get to. He made a few gestures with his face as his eyes stayed on mine, making me feel as if he were raping me. I could feel his eyes ripping off my clothes and imagining me naked, doing what he would with me.

Now, I’ve taken a lot of Woman Studies classes, as I almost finished a major in it, but even with all that knowledge of how to stand up for yourself….I couldn’t. I knew I could have done something to stop it, knew I should have stood up for myself, but I didn’t. My mind had gone blank, and I could feel the sweat of fear dripping down my now chilled back.

I endured fifteen long minutes of his eye winking and smooching noises, wishing one of the guys I came with would notice the harassment and put a stop to it.

They didn’t.

At the end of the lunch, I got up and felt his eyes grazing down my body greedily, and I couldn’t help but to feel frigidity. I was hectic to get out of there.

Why weren’t my friends noticing!

I rushed outside once I paid, and as soon as I got a breath of fresh air, all I could think and say were,

“I hate being a female.”

I truly, honestly, meant it, and it wasn’t just because of this incident. All my life, I have been judged, told what to do differently based on my gender. In my firefighting class, our instructor assumed we had all chopped wood or used heavy tools before, but I was ashamed that I never had. Growing up as girls, we learn that tools are too dangerous to use. We should stick to cooking.

We are treated like we are the weaker sex.

Now, I wish I would have done something differently, because I actually LOVE being a woman. I find strength in my femininity everyday. I wish I would have been above hiding in my booth, and wishing the guy next to me would have “saved” me from that pervert’s impeding eyes.

Looking back now… I should have been stronger!

When it comes down to it, it doesn’t matter if I am a man or a woman. I should be able to defend myself regardless. To speak up and tell that man that I’m NOT a piece of meat and he, like everyone else, needs to respect me and my body.

I know its tough to face people who look at you like you are worth nothing but scum for them to walk right over, but when this happens, I’ve learned that I, and everyone else, need to look within.

Deep down, within the core of our being- There. Is. Strength.

Its an inner flame that needs to be ignited, by your soul, your very being. Feel its power and know that you are capable of anything and NO ONE is above you.

God created us equal, and so the next time someone bullies or harasses you, try this silent strength and feel God’s love. It doesn’t matter what the guy in the next booth is doing. You know you have this inner strength that no one can burn out, in fact, they can only make it grow stronger.

Strength is to know that you are worth everything you put your heart to.

I love you all,

-A. Willow

(P.S. The photo is meant for awareness to stop sexualizing women. Instead we must look past the body in order to see our beauty and strength within. My apologies if you are offended.)

RESCUE

Everyone has a word.

I used to think maybe mine was strength, bravery, or perhaps even wisdom or happiness.

But today, as I sat listening to my fire instructor talk, I saw a word flash out at me:

RESCUE

There was something about it that made my mind roll. It ticked away, I felt like there was more behind this word then met the eye.

Why was it so important?

I pondered on it, and couldn’t help but feel an inner sense wash over me, and it was then that I knew this was what I was brought here on this earth for.

“Rescue, A. Willow, rescue the souls that are lost.” I heard this voice inside my head.

 

I felt myself smile within, with a warm tingling sensation soaring through my body, and yet I didn’t show it on my face, I only felt it within.

And I began to realize how similar it is being inside a fire, like being inside depression.

 

The room is dark, from the smoke that clouds you. Nothing is clear. Darkness suffocates you and as you scream for help, no one can hear you over the roaring of the flames.

You are invisible to the outside world.

A flash of anger will come here or there, but fear leaks in making your bones frozen and too scared to move. Then you hear a voice, it’s muffled and you don’t quite understand it, as if it were an alien.

You tune your ears and pray that maybe you won’t die to the darkness, that the flames won’t catch up to you, or the heat scorch you.

A person comes, standing tall and mighty, too scary to see in such a dark place and yet, maybe they can help. They take you in their arms and lead you out. You can hear the rasping breath of the weird voice saying “hold on, I’m getting you out.”

This voice is like an alien, and not understood clearly, that is until you break free of the flames and out of the smoke filled house that had been your dungeon for way too long.

The sun comes out as they lead you further to safety, and finally tears of joy enter your eyes.

“Thank you, Thank you” you will say, feeling like God had answered your prayers.

And when you look back at the firefighter that pulled you out, you see the eyes of a soul. Someone who risked their life to save another. Someone, just wanting to save you.

 

I hope that in my writing, that I can help in the same way for people in a dark time in their lives. I do want to save people, but not just physically, but emotionally as well. This world is a mind game, and sometimes we have to let go of the mind, let go of the pain in order to see the sun rising.

I love you all, and hope that I am given the opportunity to help rescue the souls who feel trapped.

A. Willow

The Last Button

It was at the moment that I buttoned the last button on my shirt that I suddenly felt different.

Before, when I was beginning to pull the Firefighter uniform on, I couldn’t help but to feel boyish, and very masculine. But with that last button, and the uniform finished, I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw greatness. Firefighting isn’t a style competition, it’s a way to help others.

So as I walked out the door, I wore it proudly. 

I’m expected to be on my utmost behavior while wearing this. I am now a role model, and a person to look to for help. If I wouldn’t have put this uniform on today, I may never have realized my fullest potential.

It’s strange to think, that just a year ago, I was the person in need. And now, looking back, I can’t help but smile. It’s a gift that I’m going to be able to help the people in this world that can’t help themselves. It’s an honor to hold others up, because honestly, all we need to do in this life is help one another.

Just be there for someone, even if for a moment. A moment is all you really need to save a person or change their life.

I love you all,

A. Willow