The Story of a Second Chance

It’s about a second chance,

To fix the wrongs you’ve made.

You aren’t given an opportunity

To just waste away.

So go out there and fly,

And soar above the stars.

You aren’t the person you’ve been made to be

Your the person you want to become.

So lift up high, and grab that third chance,

But don’t let go, oh heaven’s no.

For once you see that it truly is a blessing,

Your eyes are open,

Now fall among the broken.
*

For in order to climb, you must fall,

And you must strive to become well.

Be the best you, and never let go,

Of that dream in your heart, the one with All.

*

You are allowed to stumble,

You are allowed to weep,

But don’t let some hurt in the past,

Make you someone who is weak.

You know you better than anyone,

Just follow that simple dream

For that dream is love, and love prevails

Over all that is unseen.

*

I love you all,

A. Willow

The Story of the Old

My joints don’t work,and my hip hurts

The old bruises are of my past.

Never once had I thought

That my youth would never last.

I wasted my time upon this earth

Wishing that I had done more with my worth

For my talents lie, in how I touch the sky,

And yet the blindness of childhood took me.

I get out of bed, not once, but twice,

For I’ve fallen and can’t get up.

The bruises on my back are so old now,

But yet, my memories are worse.

There is nothing on this earth

That can make it all better,

Once you’ve wasted away.

So go my loved ones,

Take care of yourself,

Before your bruise becomes your crutch.

My back is fine, my ailment- age,

And my true spirit now lies in the day.

If only I had known that love is what had grown

When we do it God’s way.

I smile now, as I see you there,

Dressed all pretty and nice,

And yet I frown, inside somehow,

Stressing on how you’ll waste it away.

So go my young ones, fly above the trees,

And soar to what you believe,

It’s in your heart, forever marked,

The job that really does please.

I can’t stress it enough my children,

that you worry and bash too much,

And instead of fighting

Over your whining

Just take to steps, and jump.

You move much quicker than I do now,

The old turtle that I am,

But too fast do you fly by the rose,

That helps you appreciate the sky.

Love, and be merry,

From within the heart it starts,

The treasure of all that begins.

For upon the door of your heart,

Is the century of life that wins.

Goodbye my children,

My little ones in thought,

And know this one thing.

The next time you fly by the door,

You may never see the wind.

The Calling of a Saint

There are a lot of things in my life that I’m unsure about. I used to toss and turn over the problems I face, thinking that I’m doomed if I make the wrong decision, or that I would be hated if I didn’t pick the right one.

I always thought about people, about what they wanted. “Do the other girls at school think I’m a dork for wearing this?” or the classic, “I wonder if that guy over there thinks I’m cute… no my hairs a mess today. I shouldn’t let him see me.” Or the possible, “If I do this, my family will think I’m a failure and/or hate me.”

There are many things that used to go through my mind that repeated the same rhythem…”what does everybody else think?”

Now, I can say I never think about that when I’m making my own decisions. I wear what I want to wear because it suits me or is comfy…I picked it out for a reason. I don’t worry about what I look like when I meet a cute guy, I just smile and know that’s more than enough to attract the one I’m looking for. And with my family, they just have to accept who I am, and if they can’t then that is their dilemma, and I can’t do anything to change their minds. But I never allow it to affect me.

Here is a prime example:

Yesterday, while visiting my 8 month pregnant sister, I came across a problem. I confessed to her, about the guy I’m in love with, told her I was going to finally confess to him why I love him and for how long.

She glared at me. She told me, “You don’t know what love is. You have to be with someone and know their bad side and good side in order to love someone. Your just desperate and looking for someone right now.”

A year ago…I would have agreed. I would have said, “Yeah, your probably right.” But now!!! I was devastated. This is my sister, telling me I wasn’t in love with someone….do you know how long and hard I have focused on my inner self? I have listened to sin, I’ve followed lust, I even met jealousy once a week for coffee. There have been plenty of times that the demons of Hell (!!!!!) came to visit me and dragged my soul down to hell with them, even though my body stayed on earth.

I’ve been tempted by the devil, and tortured by his thoughts…but I’ve stopped. Don’t you see, I have messed up just like every other person in this world. I’ve thought about being selfish, I’ve hated others for what they had and I didn’t have, and I fell into a state of depression for over a year….and how do you think I came out of it?

Love

…*Silence….

……Don’t tell me, that I don’t know who I love. Don’t tell me, that I don’t know HOW to love. And most certainly do NOT tell me that you know more about love than me.

My soul…it’s been searching for the key to life, and I’ve found it. I finally have. It’s by living through love and by love every day. It’s by FEELING, and not thinking, not judging, just FEELING what is right. I know now what I must do with my life, without pressure because I choose to do the things that I love, I choose to follow my heart every day. I don’t pick apart my brain wondering what will happen. I can’t anymore.

And for her to tell me that I don’t love someone…it broke my heart in two. My own sister telling me what I can or cannot feel. What is fake to her is certainly real to me.

I love this man and always will. I know this not because I’ve thought about how awesome he is (And he is pretty awesome), but by feeling what is right. Light surrounds me when I am with him. Warmth flutters through me when we are both as real as can be. Fake is what makes us feel those other things. Love is what sets us free, and I’m finally admitting to him that I love him.

I already know I will be denied….at first. I’m expecting it. I feel that too. For he doesn’t want to open up because he’s scared that someday…I could be his world. That there is a life better waiting for him than the one he’s living now. And he’s scared that he might actually deserved to be fully loved back.

(I’m real darling. One hundred percent. Every moment I am with you. I am yours.)

Love isn’t something you can think about. It’s a feeling you get that words can’t possibly fully describe. Your mind can’t understand love my dear sister…and you most certainly can’t tell if someone is in love by using your mind….

Use your heart. When you see a couple in love…you don’t think, “Well this is why and blah blah blah….”, no, the next time you see someone in love, and you know its true….its because your feeling it too. You feel their love, that is SO GREAT, rushing off of them and leaking on to you. And when you see that couple you begin to think “I want what they have”…but only because you felt it.

I am so tired of people telling me that I’m obsessed with writing, that I’m only “in love” with him because he’s the only guy I think is perfect, and how everyone sees me as this mess up who goes with the flow way too often.

Everything I described up above is because of love, and nothing else matters.

I love you all, and please forgive me for my shout out. My heart was hurt for only but a moment, but it is fully working now. Without it, I couldn’t have written this post.

A. Willow

Pounding Drums

*

Feeling the essence of the earth…that’s all we require

to brave new worlds, and take on new roles.

Don’t you see the beauty in thee?

The purest movement of your soul

knowing that you are, and always shall be whole.

*

What does it take to send the message?

Storm down battle fronts,

or to send in brigades?

Does it take a missile to show the lands,

that you must listen to us, because we are man?

*

*****   No   *****

That isn’t the way. That will only create hate and war.

We must love, with all our birth.

Show the other side what they’re worth.

Our souls deserve love, no matter how much hate,

surrounds their lives, or malice, or slate.

*

Don’t you see, Our hands entwined.

It’s the way God meant it,

the way we must stand.

So take our hands,

hand in hand,

and take that last breath and STAND.

*

End the hate, and love all wholly,

No matter what the cost,

or the end of the dowry.

*

You are the start of all that IS.

So let go of your hate,

and enter pure bliss.

*

Love you all, and remember, we are all lost souls down on earth, it just takes the time to show each other that we care and we won’t hurt.

A. Willow

Clouded World

*

What does it mean to fly?

To soar above the clouds…

~So High~

 *

Must we really leave this earth

To follow our father’s footsteps of rebirth?

To create a world that’s all our own

Without the weaponry that’s all blown?

*

Couldn’t we just hold our hands-

together until we fight the death of man?

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could see

the clouds so high…

Inside of thee?

Words That Would Not Come

It felt as though I was raped. Even though, I technically wasn’t.

It was supposed to be a simple movie. We were going to watch lone survivor, a movie I’ve wanted to see for a while. The night was bright, but in that room, it turned much darker. The movie and cuddling wasn’t truly what he wanted, or why he had me come, it was for his desire.

It’s been six years where he has pursued me, in high school he flirted with me, in college,  and now his dream had finally come true. The only problem was, he wanted my body- not me.

So it began as a heated night, I accepted, at first, trying to enjoy the moment, let go of my fears…but sometimes our fears are what prepare us for the worst.

He didn’t use a condom, and in my head I could hear myself shouting “Stop! you need to put a condom on or no sex!”

I was Silent

It was as if he had full control over me, and if I told him what I was going to say, it wouldn’t matter. So as he dug into me, time and time again, I began hurting worse and worse. I wanted to tell him to stop…but no words would come.

Instead I tried pushing him back hoping he would get the hint, but it only made him more aggressive. It lasted for two hours, and I hated how weak I had become.

What is it that makes woman and girls not able to voice “no” during sex? Is it the way men do it, just wanting to take you, and you can’t help but to feel wanted, and yet, you don’t want it? This has never happened to me before until now. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t say such a simple “Stop.” when my personality is blunt and in control.It scared me, and losing that much control to someone I hardly knew was the worst part. I let this man hurt me.

But ladies, we can’t keep doing this. We learn from our mistakes, and we must pick ourselves up. We weren’t meant to be silent, this is why we have vocal chords. Speak up my sisters, you are worth it. You can’t just let a man take you’re body when you don’t want him to, it isn’t right.

There is love out there. It may not seem like it as he stands over you and you don’t know what to do. He isn’t the last resort. You can and WILL find love. We are meant to be brave, and strong at heart, that is what makes us human. So tell him how it is. Don’t think about his feelings, think about yourself and what’s right for you.

If you keep letting a man walk all over you, you can never become strong, or find the one who will love you. Think of love my children, love and light and know that you will be alright in the night, because no matter what happens, or what path you choose, God will always be with you. There is no sense to lose the person you are over one boy. Just stand up for yourself and scream, “I am my own body.” And with that you will pick the path of wisdom, finding the light and choosing to end the pain before it even begins.

Speak up my loved ones, even someone as close to God as I can lose her way from time to time, but I won’t make the same mistake twice, and that is what makes us strong. Make mistakes, but don’t go back to the pain, go to the light.

Love,

A. Willow

The Walk of Wisdom

It’s weird to think that, just nine months ago, I suffered from my depression. It’s been a long journey of tears, fears, and just riding out the road God has laid out for me.
But I’m happy to say that through trial and error, I have finally found a way to be forever at peace.

It was while I was taking a nature walk yesterday. The leaves had almost all fallen, but few remained of reds and golds.
I was upset. I had really fallen for this guy I’d been talking to, but I knew it was going nowhere. So as I asked God why he always dangled opportunities in front of me, and never actually let me fall in love, I began to realize something. I already knew I didn’t need a man in my life to be happy or successful, but there was this feeling in me of disappointment in this guy, and slight frustration that life doesn’t seem to want to go the way I want it to.
Then it struck me. ..I could feel those feelings buried inside my mind and body, but my spirit was feeling something quite different. I felt peaceful, fully whole even though I was upset. I completely accepted the fact that it didn’t work out and that the single life is what I would keep living until that right moment arose.
That is the first time my body felt so confused but my soul wrapped me in lighted smiles of joy.
This is when I knew that I had finally beaten my depression. I’m completely happy, whole, and I can’t stop smiling every minute of every day. This is the girl I missed so long ago. This is the woman I’ve always wanted to become.
I have no ill will towards the man who made me feel this way. In fact I have nothing to send him but love and admiration.
It’s weird to think that through those forever darkened nights, and growing fears of what I was to become, to finally see that I’m a glowing soul full of light and love and nothing can ever pull me back down now that I feel my pure essence within.

The Last Button

It was at the moment that I buttoned the last button on my shirt that I suddenly felt different.

Before, when I was beginning to pull the Firefighter uniform on, I couldn’t help but to feel boyish, and very masculine. But with that last button, and the uniform finished, I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw greatness. Firefighting isn’t a style competition, it’s a way to help others.

So as I walked out the door, I wore it proudly. 

I’m expected to be on my utmost behavior while wearing this. I am now a role model, and a person to look to for help. If I wouldn’t have put this uniform on today, I may never have realized my fullest potential.

It’s strange to think, that just a year ago, I was the person in need. And now, looking back, I can’t help but smile. It’s a gift that I’m going to be able to help the people in this world that can’t help themselves. It’s an honor to hold others up, because honestly, all we need to do in this life is help one another.

Just be there for someone, even if for a moment. A moment is all you really need to save a person or change their life.

I love you all,

A. Willow

A Time for Compassion

Where is the compassion?

You know, the thing we sometimes do when another person is hurting or in need of help. The emotion that used to come naturally when we were little and we saw a friend bending over and bleeding on their knee.

What did we do when our friend fell off the road?

We helped them up!

I am so sick and tired of people saying that an individual deserves to be beaten for the things they have done, or deserves to live in the pits of hell. Its completely wrong. Don’t you think those people deserve to be helped? Not pushed back down, not judged…just loved. Because honestly the reason why they are hurting others, or why that person steals, is because its all they know. They feel cornered and they know they have to get out somehow, but they can’t see the right direction.

Yes, you could argue, “Well they should use their brain.”

When drastic times come, drastic measures are taken without thinking. We literally go crazy. I mean think about it. If you felt like you couldn’t turn to anyone, that every turn you took only led you down more pain, that no matter what you did, nothing could go right….wouldn’t you do the same thing?

 

So take a deep breath, and the next time one of those violent thoughts come up, saying that a person deserves to be punished…think again. We are supposed to be loving creatures, loving people, and all I see is us turning to darkness when another is lost.

LOOK AROUND YOU! We are supposed to be here to help one another. So lift your eyes and see that person isn’t evil…they are a lost soul that needs your help, God’s help, and if we work together we can all see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m disappointed in the world today. There is so much hate for those who aren’t like us. So much jealousy for those who have so much more….

But we are all the same. Lost souls that can be found once we find our inner light. So if you have yours, that’s great, but next time somebody is lost, don’t go accusing them. Forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts God has ever given us. It’s our fear that makes us hide from it.

I love you all, just show a little more compassion for the poor souls who feel like they have nowhere to go.

Always,

A. Willow