The Ways of Rain

Tears fall like clouds of sorrow,

Raining down upon my head.

All I want is to burrow.

Beneath the earth I should be safe,

And Yet, there is hate.

Inside thyself I feel the pulse

Of something Other that just wants to burst.

“Stop” I cry, “Stop it now!”

But its too late,

My heart soars to the sky.

There I see the sorrow in me,

And upon the heavens that did look down.

They sing, “My child, my child, why do you go about

Hating yourself and filling with doubt?”

I smile back at the angels above,

“I’m human, there is no other way.”

They look at me and laugh their beautiful song,

“Love is the way of all things this day.”

Without another word they send me back down,

To the place where I can be found.

Both between Heaven and of Hell.

Now I see my ways,

Now I see me.

And That my friends is how I came to be

Loving in all ways,

Including the love of me.

More to Me….

More

Much, much more.

To think, that maybe one day I’ll be more.

To think that today is the start of it.

One thought

One wish

Doing is never out of the option

Doing is the only way.

Stop fighting yourself

Stop the negative mind.

You see what you want,

You seek God.

Open your eyes to the stars above

Open your eyes to the love of God.

No more shouting out in the dark,

No more crying eyes that do part.

You are the person you want to be.

You believe in you…

And that’s all it takes.

Fly

Fly,

Like a bird so high.

Enter the world like a flash of lightning in the sky.

This world is lonely without certain trust.

So spread your wings, and lift from the dust.

So long, fair well, cruel world below.

I’m fighting the winds to enter the flow.

Today I saw the sky above, enter my being.

For I am the dove.

My Reflections at the Coffee Shop

A lot of the time I wonder, “What am I doing?”

I look to God, asking him if I’m taking the right route, and if there is somewhere else I’m supposed to be. It’s not that I feel incomplete, but I’m in that stage in my life where life is taking me on it’s waves and I don’t get to choose my destination. I can try to paddle one way or another, but if I force it too much I can be way off course.

So here I am, sitting in my hometown coffee shop wondering, “why?”.

You know, I’m confident in myself and my capabilities. I reach where I want to go, but if fate doesn’t agree with my plan, how am I supposed to stay on this road?

It’s only been recently that each time these questions come up, that I’ve answered with my heart.

Of course I’m on the right track. I’m doing what I love, and I’m striving to be better everyday. If that’s not the right path than what is?

Sometimes on our paths the foliage will be thicker and we can’t see the destination. The signs pointing us in the right direction disappear or are smudged with indecision, but still, we follow where our feet lead. I tell my feet where to go and I can jump off the path and create a new one any time I want. God is with me, and with my heart leading my feet there is no more doubts. I will be where I want to, in some form or another, and it might take a while, and it might not be as soon as I wish it to be, but it will come.

Strive for your dreams. It won’t happen on it’s own, you have to make the best part of you available to the world before greatness takes you.

Love,

A. Willow

Tidings From You

The Change

the shift

the drift

All is meant for you to lift

up your life on your mother’s palms

so go now young ones and sing your song.

The Knife

the sorrow

the pain

All is never too much to gain

You scream and you shout at mother adew

for you thought she’d be the one to give you new

The Life

the challenge

the boat

It is your way to tarry around the mote

for love is within you to share

just open up and let in air

Tomorrow

today

the past

None is meant to last

so go now before you forget

the one voice from god

in your heart

and

in your song.

A. Willow

The Story of Change

Hello everyone,

I’m proud to give you an update of how I’m overcoming my depression. For so long I have hidden in the dark, and finally a year ago, almost to the day, I decided to change my life. I started this blog, and wanted to improve the ill sickness that cost so much of my life pain.

At the beginning, I was still negative.  My draining cloud of thoughts only rained out negativity. Slowly, with a lot of effort I overcame all my obstacles. I pushed myself to eat healthy, to exercise, because those are crucial to helping someone like me to overcome the nasty depression that clings to us.

And so I went on this journey knowing fully well that it was easier to stay in the dark, but knowing doom would only await me if I were to stay in misery. I hated myself, still three months after I started this blog, and still I couldn’t keep up with a program for fitness, and money and food were hard to come by. I had to buy inexpensive chemical food because I couldn’t afford the organic lifestyle.

Everything drastically changed. During the year many great things happened to me. I finally began to love myself again, I began smiling everyday thinking about how I want to change the present and my future, I tackeled a half-marathon and realized that I am stronger than I ever imagined, I went to firefighting school and rappeled off buildings and entered the burning flames. I found my strength and my courage, and this sparked the person that I am. I found out that I am a rescuer, whether through my words or by my physical ability I want to help rescue the world from the evil that lurks within our hearts, in our minds, and the catastrophes that we don’t have any control over.

For a while, I kept up an exercise routine, especially while attending the school, and I began to believe that the reason I was so happy and overjoyed with this new way of living is because I fell in love with it, and exercise and eating right were keeping my mind healthy as well.

I will say this though, I began to fall again. I stopped exercising during December and eating healthy was impossible with all the wonderful treats that the family cooked up. So as December went by and passed, and into January I still haven’t taken the time to do those healthy things.

At first I believed that I was doomed to face my depression again. I waited for it to come and overwhelm me….but do you know what I did next? I would NOT accept the depression in. For a few days it was trying to leak in, making me cry for various reasons…but each time it did- I. SHUT. IT. OUT.

There is no reason for me to believe now that your problems with depression lies on the outside. Yes everything I did helped and yes it was crucial for me then, but now that I finally believe in myself and I believe I have the power to overcome this horrible disease….I’m cured!

I don’t need those outside things to make me happy anymore for I am truly happy from within, and that is the beauty I have found this last year. All your power to change your life doesn’t rely on others, or the world to change- It’s You.

If your wondering, I will continue to strive to better myself and grow, and become as healthy as possible, because that stuff makes me even happier than I already am. First do what you love, and once you become who you are there is no going back to losing yourself. Fight and strive for happiness and you shall find it.

Believe in yourself, for there is no greater power than to love from the within to change the world around you.

Love,

A. Willow

Lush Green Opportunity= Travel!!!

There has been something big on my mind for the last few weeks or so. Traveling across the country isn’t something I see every year, and it’s something I love doing, but more importantly I want to travel worldwide. Never have I crossed over the U.S. borders even though I live a few hours away from Canada.

With my goals, wishes, and dreams of becoming a full time author, I know the more experience I get with other cultures will expand how I write, as well as the scenery for the locations of my books.

I’ve been wanting to get a passport, but I don’t have the money now, nor will I even be able to go to Europe anytime soon because I’m just making enough money to pay off bills and get food and gas.

But I’ve also been reading these books like Wishes Fulfilled by Dr. Dyer, or the Power of Now by Echart Tolle, and their wisdom has shown me that I must imagine that I am already living the life that I want, as though I have been published and have enough money to go on a random trip when it occurs.

I don’t know how to describe my everyday life, but I will say that I think this is going to be a big year for me, and why not travel the world? Why not? Nobody told me I can’t, God never said I can’t make more money for traveling. So I’m going to do it, I’m going to save my money, (very little at a time) and start it for my funds. First a Passport is on the list and then from there I’m thinking Ireland will be the best first foreign country to visit. 

There is something so magical about that place. I’ve heard stories from people who visited and some from my own research, but the lush green grass, the boisterous pubs, and the homey atmosphere just seems a perfect match for a rookie traveler like myself 😉

I’m keeping my fingers crossed and hopefully with a little prayer, a lot of effort on my part, and a positive mindset I’ll be able to afford this wonderful urge that has suddenly taken me.

Love you all,

A. Willow

The Story of the Galaxy Key

This is a story of a girl, who vanquished the land of evil lore. She searched far and wide for her hearth, but found it in her birth. For as she stopped, inside her head, she rested and believed the journey was dead. “No more can I face the sorrows of the world when there is endless tomorrows.”

And like a gift, wrapped in a box, something glowed from the palm of her mosque. She looked down upon it with wonder, and soon she realized it and pondered. It was her beating heart in hand, glowing ever brightly, a smile escaped her, she took a stand.

“This is the secret to the universe, I must cherish it for eternity onwards.” So there she found, in her own room, the galaxy’s key to blissful eternity. For we must look within in order to sow, the seeds of life that replenish our souls. Her smile cost nothing dear, and her heart forever fluttered here.

This was the story of a galaxy meeting, one forbidden by contradiction and meaning. But look within the heart you have, and a galaxy you shall hold in your hand.

Late is the Hour

Late is the hour, from which I stand,

and yet, sleep does not take me to its land.

I curl upon the shores of my bed,

Dreading the time,

Wishing I were dead.

*

Then a note sounds in the distance,

I hear a stranger noise- insistent.

The bells are tolling,

And ringing in my head

No other form of worry

but dread.

*

For the time is late, and the bell keeps tolling,

Forcing my brain to spin in a jury.

Arguments arise, as I try to shut my eyes,

And yet no agreement shall come to rise.

The battle begins as I scream and shout

“You’re doing it wrong,

Now just shut up!”

Yet their voices shout back in my head,

never dulling for the words I spent.

*

Hours pass, or maybe days,

yet the night is still dark

like a haze.

The bells have stopped,

the yelling ceased,

and yet I’m exhausted.

I think it’s time to sleep…

Saying Goodbye at Last

My love life hasn’t been the happiest of times, in fact, lately, it’s been rather sad.

But I don’t give up.

You don’t see me flinging myself at the next guy that comes along, but yet, I am still in pain. I hurt because the one person I love, and the one person I have loved for a very long time now, doesn’t see me.

I’m invisible, and even as his friend, I tend to be…minor.

I wonder if he feels it too, the love I share with him, but maybe that is just wishful thinking. I really wish the reason why he is avoiding me today and the last year is because he thinks of me as more than a friend. He has a girlfriend, someone who doesn’t treat him right. And so I imagine that he wishes he could be with me instead.

Now I know I’m having wishful thinking.

*Sigh

I deserve the best. A man who will notice me the first time we meet, or possibly, just randomly on the street. I don’t deserve to be on the backburner, or a person to think about when his girlfriend isn’t around. I know that I deserve better than him, I know…but then why is my heart calling for him?

There have been plenty of interested guys I have turned down, lots of jerks, nice guys, and simple men….but none are like him. My heart leaps everytime I see him, and I know it’s stupid for me to be so in love with someone who doesn’t feel it too, but I can’t help who I fall in love with.

My heart is something of a mess right now, I know that, but that’s my mind doing the talking. My heart KNOWS what it wants– and its him.

I’ll tell him soon about everything that’s on my mind, but I also know I must say goodbye.

So soon, the time is coming, and yet I am overly anxious. There is this pent up rage within my soul. It’s impatient and wants to scream out my feelings to him right now and end the misery I have been going through.

I’ve said goodbye a thousand times already, but yet, I can feel this time, it will be the final Mark. Because in my heart I know, that once I tell him, there is no going back. There is no “if’s” or “but’s”, just the now, and once the moment has passed my lips, I know there is no more wondering. Only doing.

And so I say goodbye to the one man I have loved unreciprocated for far too long.