To Know and To Love

We should be thankful for the times that we have loved. Naturally, the heart isn’t a forbidden place, but through our hard times in life, it’s hard to venture into love and give that precious treasure away that you keep safe.

In our lives we are given opportunities to love. Loving our friends, family, strangers on the street, actions, motions, and even ourselves. The one that is hardest, is to love someone who might not love you back. Maybe an old lover, someone you just met, or a man you have too often obsessively thought about for the last ten years.

I know, it’s hard to let your heart out to those who have hurt you. I used to continuously hide it away and pretend like nothing ever happened, that my feelings aren’t involved. But today, I realized something. I had a dream about my Ex, someone I had been with for four years. No, I didn’t and still wouldn’t want to get back together with him, but he holds a special place in my heart. He’s shown me that love can be short, but it can be real. We both changed, and it’s okay to love someone with all your heart for a little while, but still love them from afar remembering that they changed you too.

So my thoughts ventured on, wondering why I had seen the movie, “Love, Rosie” for it was a movie that represented my love life with a man I had fallen for terribly. Best friends, but timing just wasn’t right, but now I see, that the love was right for that moment in my life to show me what I could feel for someone. even though we will never be together I’m happy to have found him. Now he is different and we have both moved on, and I love the old him.

That’s the thing about love. It doesn’t have restrictions. You love who you love. There is no changing that. Ever!

It comes unnaturally, at times we don’t expect. To be honest I’d rather have loved someone with all my heart than never at all.There is a moral in this story. The moral being that no matter who loves you. No matter who has changed, if it was you or them, loving gives you a glimpse into God. We must accept that love isn’t always right, or that you might love someone who no longer exists. But use that love to find the right love. Use the love you’ve had to know that in the future, you’re going to love someone even more.

Don’t let a few mess ups screw with your head. We are beings of love and even though it might seem like the world is out to get you, or your love life is cursed, just keep loving and someday God will put the right person in your life.

But be patient. Focus on yourself and just keep loving all that you encounter. And don’t let the fear of being hurt get in your way.

I love you, and keep fighting for your heart,

A. Willow

The heart is naturally a forbidden place.

Love isn’t naturally a forbidden place.

The Ways of Rain

Tears fall like clouds of sorrow,

Raining down upon my head.

All I want is to burrow.

Beneath the earth I should be safe,

And Yet, there is hate.

Inside thyself I feel the pulse

Of something Other that just wants to burst.

“Stop” I cry, “Stop it now!”

But its too late,

My heart soars to the sky.

There I see the sorrow in me,

And upon the heavens that did look down.

They sing, “My child, my child, why do you go about

Hating yourself and filling with doubt?”

I smile back at the angels above,

“I’m human, there is no other way.”

They look at me and laugh their beautiful song,

“Love is the way of all things this day.”

Without another word they send me back down,

To the place where I can be found.

Both between Heaven and of Hell.

Now I see my ways,

Now I see me.

And That my friends is how I came to be

Loving in all ways,

Including the love of me.

Fly

Fly,

Like a bird so high.

Enter the world like a flash of lightning in the sky.

This world is lonely without certain trust.

So spread your wings, and lift from the dust.

So long, fair well, cruel world below.

I’m fighting the winds to enter the flow.

Today I saw the sky above, enter my being.

For I am the dove.

To my Past’s (SECRET) Valentine

My thoughts drifted to him tonight.

I’ve been fully content. I’m single, living alone, just a few friends, (I’m pretty much a hermit…but a fun hermit!), and so I was surprised the old love I had for someone came back up. I wasn’t mopey or sad, but there was something strange from the way it happened. I thanked God, for allowing me to love someone so fully, but I also thanked Him for giving me the strength to have moved on.

Maybe it’s because love is in the air and heck, my brain can’t ignore being single on valentines day now can it?

I laughed tonight, thinking of how far I’ve come. Never have I felt so comfortable in my own skin. Before now, I always wanted a relationship, I always looked for someone to keep me company, but now I can say that is no more. Sure, if love comes my way, I will gladly take it and love with all my heart.

But until that day comes I’m smiling. There is no better way to spend Valentines day than loving yourself. For that is the key to a successful relationship with anyone. It goes both ways and without that love, there is never any growth.

I love you all, and hope that some of you are enjoying company, and that those who aren’t are keeping themselves occupied with something happy.

Love,

A. Willow

The Story of a Baby on the Way

It’s starts as an itch as you pass one. Their bright child eyes looking up at you, helpless…and yet happy beyond compare. You can’t help but to smile back, and wish somehow, you could see the same world they saw. The one where villains stayed in books, and the heroes always won. With love conquering all.

For that is what a child sees. They see love, and they share it with you even if they don’t know who you are.

So here you are, stuck watching that child wave goodbye, and that small piece of happiness you had for a moment vanishes into the brightly lit sky.

You wander through your life, going to work and doing your job, talking to friends and family, and suddenly it hits. Babies seem to be everywhere, in the store, the vet, or in the street. It doesn’t matter where, you just seem to notice them. Like a little  happy disease following you around, their eyes are always on you…smiling.

So you go about your day, worried you’ll be alone for the rest of your life. You toss and you turn in bed, wondering, when am I going to find the one?

So you imagine little “you’s” and how small their hands will be in your palm, and yet…you don’t actually know. You’ve never held a baby yourself, but all you can feel is this raging happiness when you see one, and a simple tear when they go. You want to show them the good in the world and shield them from the bad. Even if they aren’t your kids, you still wish to be like their dad. So on you go, venturing forth into the unknown, waiting for the day they call a wedding to you.

You feel the love of a lovers kiss, and then again you think of this. The babies are swirling in your head, and yet it doesn’t make sense. Why on earth would a baby be of as much importance as this. Babies are hard work, they pee and poop, and sometimes they like to spit up, and cry without a break. So you go along your way, scared of the day, when your wife is pregnant with your son on the way.

You panic and sometimes want to bolt out the door, when you see her scream with raging deplore. She is needy and consistently sick, you don’t understand what has happened in this. So you wait out the months thinking it won’t get worse, but the delivery room brings chaos and a hell of a big hook.

You fear for her safety, and wonder if it was all worth the wait, to see the look on her face, that’s when you’ll stay. Holding that baby for the first time, is like heaven sent to earth. All Sublime. You cannot hold that baby close enough for comfort, you wish to spread joy and smiles among his life, and never let the villains take his might. So you smile with your wife, and sing a song to the tot, and there you find happiness….there you found God.

The Story of the Song

*

Flowers bloomed in the meadow,

Where church bells rang of future.

The sunny rays streamed across the grass

And covered all that would never last.

The deer they grazed in eloquence of fate

 But the bear hid in shadows of triumph.

The loon across the sandy lake

moved along with none.

*

So the church bells sing to the tune in one

With the essence of the meadow’s song.

Life flits by and the world still goes on.

Nothing has ended, it’s only just begun.

 *

The couple stream from the wedding,

Hair flinging and a veil falling to the light.

They prance and laugh, and share a kiss of mirth,

For soon they shall experience birth.

*

Their beginning as a couple

Is a mystery, but we know they are double.

Twice the heart of love is many,

And too few is love where it is empty.

*

They come and go through the meadow of time

And soon their child comes of nine.

He sings and dances among the stars

The night has fallen, and there shall be scars.

But the little one doesn’t see,

For the night shelters thee.

Prancing along until the day

He enters God’s hand to say…

“When shall my life begin?

I’ve waited so long.

Never have I felt so empty,

Or lost without the cause of love.

There is no one’s hand to hold

No shoulder to cry upon.

Who shall lift me up,

And who shall I hug?”

*
Twenty years pass among the land,

Yet still the meadow lasts,

The man who cried to God one day

Now holds a child’s hand.

They laugh and play, and sing a song

Of no worries and no woes.

Instead they sing of fate and love,

In the meadow’s everlasting song.

My Reflections at the Coffee Shop

A lot of the time I wonder, “What am I doing?”

I look to God, asking him if I’m taking the right route, and if there is somewhere else I’m supposed to be. It’s not that I feel incomplete, but I’m in that stage in my life where life is taking me on it’s waves and I don’t get to choose my destination. I can try to paddle one way or another, but if I force it too much I can be way off course.

So here I am, sitting in my hometown coffee shop wondering, “why?”.

You know, I’m confident in myself and my capabilities. I reach where I want to go, but if fate doesn’t agree with my plan, how am I supposed to stay on this road?

It’s only been recently that each time these questions come up, that I’ve answered with my heart.

Of course I’m on the right track. I’m doing what I love, and I’m striving to be better everyday. If that’s not the right path than what is?

Sometimes on our paths the foliage will be thicker and we can’t see the destination. The signs pointing us in the right direction disappear or are smudged with indecision, but still, we follow where our feet lead. I tell my feet where to go and I can jump off the path and create a new one any time I want. God is with me, and with my heart leading my feet there is no more doubts. I will be where I want to, in some form or another, and it might take a while, and it might not be as soon as I wish it to be, but it will come.

Strive for your dreams. It won’t happen on it’s own, you have to make the best part of you available to the world before greatness takes you.

Love,

A. Willow

The Story of the Old

My joints don’t work,and my hip hurts

The old bruises are of my past.

Never once had I thought

That my youth would never last.

I wasted my time upon this earth

Wishing that I had done more with my worth

For my talents lie, in how I touch the sky,

And yet the blindness of childhood took me.

I get out of bed, not once, but twice,

For I’ve fallen and can’t get up.

The bruises on my back are so old now,

But yet, my memories are worse.

There is nothing on this earth

That can make it all better,

Once you’ve wasted away.

So go my loved ones,

Take care of yourself,

Before your bruise becomes your crutch.

My back is fine, my ailment- age,

And my true spirit now lies in the day.

If only I had known that love is what had grown

When we do it God’s way.

I smile now, as I see you there,

Dressed all pretty and nice,

And yet I frown, inside somehow,

Stressing on how you’ll waste it away.

So go my young ones, fly above the trees,

And soar to what you believe,

It’s in your heart, forever marked,

The job that really does please.

I can’t stress it enough my children,

that you worry and bash too much,

And instead of fighting

Over your whining

Just take to steps, and jump.

You move much quicker than I do now,

The old turtle that I am,

But too fast do you fly by the rose,

That helps you appreciate the sky.

Love, and be merry,

From within the heart it starts,

The treasure of all that begins.

For upon the door of your heart,

Is the century of life that wins.

Goodbye my children,

My little ones in thought,

And know this one thing.

The next time you fly by the door,

You may never see the wind.

The Story of Change

Hello everyone,

I’m proud to give you an update of how I’m overcoming my depression. For so long I have hidden in the dark, and finally a year ago, almost to the day, I decided to change my life. I started this blog, and wanted to improve the ill sickness that cost so much of my life pain.

At the beginning, I was still negative.  My draining cloud of thoughts only rained out negativity. Slowly, with a lot of effort I overcame all my obstacles. I pushed myself to eat healthy, to exercise, because those are crucial to helping someone like me to overcome the nasty depression that clings to us.

And so I went on this journey knowing fully well that it was easier to stay in the dark, but knowing doom would only await me if I were to stay in misery. I hated myself, still three months after I started this blog, and still I couldn’t keep up with a program for fitness, and money and food were hard to come by. I had to buy inexpensive chemical food because I couldn’t afford the organic lifestyle.

Everything drastically changed. During the year many great things happened to me. I finally began to love myself again, I began smiling everyday thinking about how I want to change the present and my future, I tackeled a half-marathon and realized that I am stronger than I ever imagined, I went to firefighting school and rappeled off buildings and entered the burning flames. I found my strength and my courage, and this sparked the person that I am. I found out that I am a rescuer, whether through my words or by my physical ability I want to help rescue the world from the evil that lurks within our hearts, in our minds, and the catastrophes that we don’t have any control over.

For a while, I kept up an exercise routine, especially while attending the school, and I began to believe that the reason I was so happy and overjoyed with this new way of living is because I fell in love with it, and exercise and eating right were keeping my mind healthy as well.

I will say this though, I began to fall again. I stopped exercising during December and eating healthy was impossible with all the wonderful treats that the family cooked up. So as December went by and passed, and into January I still haven’t taken the time to do those healthy things.

At first I believed that I was doomed to face my depression again. I waited for it to come and overwhelm me….but do you know what I did next? I would NOT accept the depression in. For a few days it was trying to leak in, making me cry for various reasons…but each time it did- I. SHUT. IT. OUT.

There is no reason for me to believe now that your problems with depression lies on the outside. Yes everything I did helped and yes it was crucial for me then, but now that I finally believe in myself and I believe I have the power to overcome this horrible disease….I’m cured!

I don’t need those outside things to make me happy anymore for I am truly happy from within, and that is the beauty I have found this last year. All your power to change your life doesn’t rely on others, or the world to change- It’s You.

If your wondering, I will continue to strive to better myself and grow, and become as healthy as possible, because that stuff makes me even happier than I already am. First do what you love, and once you become who you are there is no going back to losing yourself. Fight and strive for happiness and you shall find it.

Believe in yourself, for there is no greater power than to love from the within to change the world around you.

Love,

A. Willow

Once Upon an End

There is one thing I would like to say to you before you go.

It’s not fair that we have to end on different shores.

But it is what it is,

And as far as you will allow to know,

there is no other way,

but to say

“No more”

So a long this separate path that I so choose,

I’m going to give hell to you.

Tell you the truth of everlasting love.

Peace on earth that is made from up above.

You have changed, and that is fine,

but believe me when I say goodbye,

for within my heart you have stayed,

but now my epiphany of love fades.

“Once upon a time’s” have to end.

And if it is now, so be it, and mend.

The mend of my broken heart has already taken place,

And I need no fixing to move on in this race.

The race of life that we are living,

Slowly times flows, and yet it’s still ticking.

My place shall be with love all around,

And if you are with her, that is your mound.

My love is already here,

It just takes practiced eyes to see it clear.

In the warmth of my heart for all around.

I share my love with everyone found.

Take care my friend, for there is always goodbye in the end…

But it’s new beginnings when you know, You shall meet again.
Love,

A. Willow